Favorite Quotes

I love a good quote!

Humor

 
"After God created the world, He made man and woman.  Then, to keep the whole thing from collapsing, He invented humor."  ~Bill Kelly, "Mordillo"
"Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused." ~Author Unknown
"Commit random acts of comedy." ~Swami Beyondananda
“Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.” ~William James
"Even if there is nothing to laugh about, laugh on credit." ~Anonymous
"God(Goddess) grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the people I do like, and the eyesight to know the difference." ~Author Unknown
“Humor has a way of bringing people together. It unites people. In fact, I'm rather serious when I suggest that someone should plant a few whoopee cushions in the United Nations.” ~Ron Dentinger
“Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.” ~Mary Hirsch
"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility."  ~James Thurber
"Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn."  ~Irvin S. Cobb
“Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs.” ~Christopher Morley
"Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully." ~Max Eastman
"I always find that statistics are hard to swallow and impossible to digest. The only one I can ever remember is that if all the people who go to sleep in church were laid end to end they would be a lot more comfortable." ~Mrs. Robert A. Taft
"I think laughter may be a form of courage. As humans we sometimes stand tall and look into the sun and laugh, and I think we are never more brave than when we do that." ~Linda Ellerbee
"I think the next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it." ~Frank A. Clark
"If you can't laugh at yourself, you may be missing the colossal joke of the century." ~Dame Edna
"Imagination was given to us to compensate for what we are not; a sense of humor was provided to console us for what we are." ~Mark McGinnes
"Laughter can be more satisfying than honor; more precious than money; more heart-cleansing than prayer." ~Harriet Rochlin  
"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects." ~Arnold Glassow
"Laughter is inner jogging." ~Norman Cousins
"Laughter is mental, laughter is emotional, laughter is physical and laughter is spiritual. Laughter helps us find balance. If we get too angry, laughter will turn that emotion in a balanced direction. If we have a mental picture of someone who is too strong, laughter will help ease the tension. If the body is stressed, laughter will release natural relaxants into our muscles and our nervous system. Laughter often changes our attitude. We need to lighten up and laugh more. Great Spirit, teach me to laugh." ~Don Coyhis (Meh'kwe Awesus Red Bear Claw)
"Laughter is so akin to bliss. It is connected to the vibration that mirrors who you truly are." ~Alana
"Laughter is the most inexpensive and the most effective wonder drug. Laughter is a universal medicine." ~Bertrand Russell)
"Levity helps us overcome gravity, especially when we shine the light of laughter on those poorly-lit corridors of power." ~Swami Beyondananda
"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh." ~George Bernard Shaw
"Man is the only animal that blushes--or has reason to."  ~Mark Twain
"May the FARCE be with you." ~Swami Beyondananda
"May you wake up laughing and leave laughter in your wake... and may the Farce be with you! 
~Swami Beyondananda
"One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you. " ~Larry Gelbart
"Optimism and humor are the grease & glue of life" ~Philip Butler
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. And inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." ~Groucho Marx
"People who laugh actually live longer than those who don’t laugh. Few persons realize that health actually varies according to the amount of laughter." ~James J. Walsh
"Take time to laugh, it is the music of the soul." ~Unknown
"The kind of humor I like is the thing that makes me laugh for five seconds and think for ten minutes." ~William Davis
"The more I live, the more I think that humor is the saving sense. " ~Jacob August Riis
"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." ~E E Cummings
"There is no defense against adverse fortune which is so effectual as an habitual sense of humor." ~Thomas W. Higginson
"Time spent laughing is time spent with the gods."  ~Japanese Proverb
"Warning: Humor may be hazardous to your illness." ~Ellie Katz
"What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul." ~Yiddish Proverb

Life, the Universe, and Everything

 
"A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems." ~Paul Erdos
"Abductions are an outreach program from the cosmos for the cosmically impaired." ~John Mack, MD, author, researcher
"Black holes are where God divided by zero." ~Steven Wright
"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together..." ~Carl Zwanzig
"Eternity has nothing to do with the hereafter...  This is it...  If you don't get it here, you won't get it anywhere.  The experience of eternity right here and now is the function of life.  Heaven is not the place to have the experience; here's the place to have the experience." ~Joseph Campbell
"Every action of our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate in eternity." ~Edwin Hubbel Chapin
"Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't." ~Richard Bach
"I do not take drugs -- I am drugs." ~Salvador Dali
"I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it." ~Steven Wright
"I may not look like I'm doing much, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy." ~Bill Rehm
"I want to know the thoughts of GOD. All else is just details." ~Albert Einstein
"If somebody says, the world is coming to an end, say to them 'Maybe, but aren't we having a good time, today?' " ~Abraham
"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." ~Carl Sagan
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." ~Douglas Adams
"It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others." ~John Andrew Holmes
"Life is a rehearsal for life, and this is true in every moment." ~Michael/Victoria Marina
"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome."  ~Isaac Asimov 
"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser." ~John W Gardner
"Life is the first gift, love is the second, and understanding the third." ~Marge Piercy
"Living in a vacuum sucks." ~Adrienne Gusoff
"Matter appears as a visible, tangible form, but in reality it is composed of unseen electromagnetic waves... these waves are 'frozen' light." ~ Paramahansa Yogananda
"Maybe this world is another planet's Hell." ~Aldous Huxley
"Our Lives Are Novels and Reality Is Made of Words.”  ~Tom Robbins 
"Right here, right now
there is no other place I want to be
right here, right now
watching the world wake up from history"
~jesus jones
"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." ~Calvin and Hobbes
"The art of flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss." ~Douglas Adams
"The morning wind forever blows, the poem of creation is uninterrupted; but few are the ears that hear it." ~H.D. Thoreau
"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...' " ~Isaac Asimov
"The most important fact about Spaceship Earth: an instruction book didn't come with it." ~R. B. Fuller
"The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is at all comprehensible." ~Albert Einstein
"The mystery of life is not a problem to be solved but a reality to be experienced." ~Aart Van Der Leeuw
"The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost luggage." ~Mark Russell
"The Universe is evolving toward an even greater destiny, and we are the means of this global transformation!" ~Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan
 "The Universe is full of magical things, patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper." ~Eden Phillpots
"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and  inexplicable. There is another theory which  states that this has already happened." ~Douglas Adams

The Mind 

"A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices." ~William James
“A mind all logic is like a knife all blade.” ~Rabindranath Tagore
"A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents." ~G. C. Lichtenberg
"As I grow to understand life less and less, I learn to live it more and more." ~Jules Renard
"Consistency is contrary to nature, contrary to life.  The only completely consistent people are the dead." ~Aldous Huxley
"Consistency is the last resort of the unimaginative." ~Oscar Wilde
"Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business." ~Tom Robbins
"Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its power." ~Shirley MacLaine
"Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, None but ourselves can free our mind" ~Bob Marley
"Every day give yourself a good mental shampoo." ~Dr. Sara Jordan
"Generally the theories we believe we call facts, and the facts we disbelieve we call theories."
~Felix Cohen
“He who cannot change the very fabric of his thought will never be able to change reality.” ~Anwar Sadat
"How things look on the outside of us depends on how things are on the inside of us." ~Park Cousins
"I am happy and content because I think I am." ~Alain-Rene Lesage
"I am not young enough to know everything." ~ Oscar Wilde
“I keep the telephone of my mind open to peace, harmony, health, love and abundance. Then, whenever doubt, anxiety or fear try to call me, they keep getting a busy signal - and soon they'll forget my number.” ~Edith Armstrong
"If a cluttered desk signs a cluttered mind, Of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?" ~Albert Einstein
"If one asks for success and prepares for failure, he will get the situation he has prepared for." ~Florence S. Shinn
"In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take prozac to make it normal." ~Author Unknown
"It's not what you are that holds you back, it's what you think you're not." ~Author unknown
"Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth." ~Ludwig Borne
“Memory is a complicated thing, a relative to truth, but not its twin.” ~Barbara Kingsolver 
"My mind is accumulating stretch marks." ~Catie Moore
"My goal isn’t to take away your confusion.  Confusion is a fertile field in which everything is possible. If you think you “know,” you’ve just calcified again." ~Ram Dass
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." ~Albert Einstein 
"Our best hope for the future lies in dropping the mind and watching it fall." ~Gabrielle Roth
"Our heads are round so that our thinking can change direction." ~Francis Picabia
"Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set." ~mrantho
"The art of allowing literally means doing my best, PRACTICING UNTIL IT BECOMES AN ART, of finding thought after thought that feels as good as I possibly can -- RIGHT NOW." ~Abraham
"The believing mind is impervious to overt evidence." ~Albert Einstein
"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind." ~William James 
"The heart surrenders everything to the moment. The mind judges and holds back." ~Ram Dass
"The illusion that we are separate from one another is an optical delusion of our consciousness." ~Albert Einstein
"The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything." ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
"The man who insists on seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides." ~Henri Fredric Amiel
"The mind is its own place and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven." ~Milton speaking as Satan in Paradise Lost  
"The more flexibility we allow the more expanded we become." ~Carla Woody
"The perfect man uses his mind as a mirror. It grasps nothing. It regrets nothing. It receives but does not keep." ~Chuang Tzu
"The public will believe anything, as long as it is not founded on truth." ~Edith Sitwell
"The remarkable thing about the human mind is its range of limitations." ~Celia Green
"The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function." ~F. Scott Fitzgerald
"The world is your mirror and your mind is a magnet. What you perceive is in this world is largely a reflection of your own attitudes and beliefs. Life will give you what you attract with your thoughts. Think, act and talk negatively and your world will be negative. Think and act and talk with enthusiasm and you will attract positive results." ~Michael LeBeuf
"There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so." ~Shakespeare
"Think less and live more." ~Georg Hermann
"Thus ye may find in thy mental and spiritual self, ye can make thyself just as happy or just as miserable as ye like. How miserable do ye want to be?" ~Edgar Cayce Reading 2995-3
"To be absolutely certain about something, one must know everything, or nothing, about it." ~Olin Miller
"To the illumined mind the whole world burns and sparkles with Light..." ~Emerson
"Too much is made of memory. Use your brain as a creative mechanism, not as a file cabinet." ~Abraham
"Too often we...enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." ~John F. Kennedy
"We can be absolutely certain only about things we do not understand."  ~Eric Hoffer 
"We don't see things as they are; we see things as we are." ~Anais Nin
"We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same." ~Carlos Castenada
"We should take care not to make the intellect our God." ~Albert Einstein
"We're sitting under the tree of our thinking minds wondering why we're not getting any sunshine." ~Ram Dass 
"What one thinks continually, they become..." ~Edgar Cayce
"What we are today comes from thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life tomorrow, in that our life is the creation of our mind".  ~Buddha
"What you see in yourself is what you see in the world." ~Afghani proverb
"Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right!" ~Henry Ford
"When everything has to be right, something isn't." ~Stanislaw Lec
"Whenever he thought about it, he felt terrible. And so, as last, he came to a fateful decision. He decided not to think about it." ~Unknown
"With our thoughts, we shape the world." ~Buddhist quote
"Your mind is a very small, yet potent part of you. Control it, focus it, and nourish it with positive thoughts that resonate with your authentic self." ~Brian Koslow

                             

"You and I are the force for transformation in the world. We are the consciousness that will define the nature of the reality we are moving into." ~Ram Dass